Greg Giraldo

A Comedian’s Story

Excerpt from the chapter on Tough Crowd

The dynamic between Greg and Patrice O’Neal created some of the most entertaining moments in Tough Crowd‘s history. The two disagreed on many topics and routinely blasted each other, often insulting one another’s appearance and ethnicity. Nick Di Paolo said that “Giraldo let some doozies go on Patrice that only somebody of Hispanic heritage could get away with. He wasn’t afraid to say shit where he could be deemed racist. That’s what I liked about him. He wasn’t very cautious, and I loved that.”

Greg and O’Neal weren’t above focusing on the superficial, with Patrice making fun of Greg’s clothing and hair, and Greg mocking Patrice’s weight. It made for some incredibly memorable television. Here is a sampling of their exchanges:

Patrice: “Here’s why white people are uncool. They’re trying to be black but they still trying to have white style. Like, look at how Colin’s dressed – it’s corduroy, it’s pure trying to be black but trying to keep a whiteness to it. But it fits exactly. Do you see how black people’s clothes, they kind of fit. Now stand up for a second, Greg, just stand one second. You see how Greg’s pants fit? That’s why I don’t like it.”

Greg: “By the way, Patrice, it’s good to see you’ve learned to talk without saying ‘Hey, hey, hey’ first.”

Patrice: “That was a good one, independent-film hair. With your planned messiness. Shut up.”

Greg: “Well, today is a very sad day. I can’t tell whether it’s because of the end of the show, or because of the herd of cattle that died to make Patrice’s coat.”

Greg: “California, for example, had a test, a written test, which was basically a literacy test – and the NRA is saying that’s wrong because there shouldn’t be a literacy test to own a gun. If you can’t read, you shouldn’t own a gun. No offense, Patrice.”

Greg: “Of course blacks watch more TV: there’s not a hell of a lot to do in jail.”
Patrice: “Coming from a Puerto Rican, that really hurts.”

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